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1952. A study
of non-verbal communication was published by Louisville Press and
titled “Introduction to Kinesics” by Dr. Ray Birdwhistell. Alas!
The general public just didn’t get it. They’d never heard the word
kinesics, and were unaware that this was an awesome work relating
to the reading of facial expressions, gestures and bodily movements
that either matched or belied the words leaving a person’s mouth.
They had no idea it could solve their problems by interpreting
the thoughts and intent of persons who were bugging them for one
reason or another – perhaps in a romantic or work relationship.
1976. A
book hit the stores with the titillating title: “Body
Language,” by Julius Fast. It promised readers they could change
their own “keep off” signals into “come hither” invitations, or the
reverse, as desired. Better yet, this “new” science would help them
to penetrate the personal secrets of intimates and strangers.
Soon, as many
men as women became keen readers, eager to decode body language
and discover the intent of an attractive newcomer, erring
lover, or difficult boss.
They learned quickly; became powerful. No one was immune from
their scrutiny. In the process, they discovered someone was
cheating on them, using them instead of loving them, or
giving untruthful excuses for late nights at the office. Indeed!
The tremendous enthusiasm for this intriguing fad blazed for many a
year, then burned itself out, and was forgotten.
But not by everyone. A comparative few secretly adhered to the
science, added a few conclusions of their own, and relied on
non-verbal signs to confirm or contradict spoken words. Among
those practitioners were poker players and salespersons; scammers
and crooks; lawyers examining witnesses and psychiatrists
examining patients; fortune tellers and mind readers; plus our
mothers who always seemed to know what we’d been up to and insisted
it was intuition.
2006. Enter Bill O’Reilly -
on Channel 21 at
8 PM on week nights. Every Tuesday he features an expert
interpreter of the “new” body language who discloses the unspoken
messages accompanying the verbal ones sent by highly visible
personages – such as Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, or
Brad Pitt - as they address the press or fend off tricky questions
during interviews.
Now hoards of people are clamoring to get into the loop. Some are
eager to demystify the feelings of specific persons. Others
consider improving their chance of social success by falsely
adopting the positive aspects and eliminating the negatives of
their own behavior. ‘Tis true. Gestures and body movements can
occasionally be developed or suppressed, if one has a strong will,
and good memory when the occasion arises for application. However
it will be difficult because most of our actions are innate, and a
lesser number gained through habit. We are not aware we display
them.
Eyes are almost impossible to control. Nevertheless, here are
examples, their meaning, and suggestions for reactions or
counteractions when you’re exposed to them.
Eyes sparkle when their owner is thrilled to pieces about something
vitally important to him. This may be coming face to face with an
attractive stranger (you?) or extolling the sensational marketing
slogan he dreamed up for Fresh Step Kitty Litter Products.
Believe me, if it’s the former you already rate; if the latter
you’d better show immense interest in his creativity or you won’t
rate at all.
Truly interested? You’ll find yourself acting the right way naturally.
If you must fake it, for instance at a job interview, here’s how.
Lean the body slightly toward the speaker and let your gaze hover
over the upper half of his face either as he speaks, or you speak to
him. And listen, of course, without making too many interruptions.
Awaiting a reply?
Rather than appearing rude by refusing to answer
when Matt Lauer asked if she was pregnant, Madonna unconsciously
blinked several times and turned her head ever so slightly
away from him. Whether she subsequently did answer truthfully
or not, her actions clearly indicated she was uncomfortable with the
inquiry and did not want to answer it. If you’re the nosey one,
quit volleying personal questions if you don’t want her to
cross to the far side of the room when she sees you coming.
Unless someone is cornered,
as Madonna was, looking away is a cover for lies and deceit. Judge
Judy orders plaintiffs and defendants to look straight at her when
giving testimony. Some oldsters believe in the ancient adage “ask
no questions, hear no lies” and have no hesitation in doctoring up
the truth when anyone intrudes upon their privacy.
If the other person’s eyes are averted
for a lengthy period, or he becomes distracted by surrounding
activities while you’re prattling, it indicates total lack of
interest and the desire to escape at the first opportunity. When
you observe this reaction, swiftly inquire about something or
somebody close to his heart. “Enough of my cruise. I’m dying to
hear about your lovely daughter? When does she graduate? Changing
the subject abruptly won’t matter, he wasn’t listening anyway.
Glazed eyes. The other person is bored to tears. Cut it!
To signify
rapt attention
some people
glare at the other individual in a staged effort to appear
interested. Wrong! The one who receives this penetrating gaze feels
invaded by a hostile party. According to Desmond Morris, whose
books claim our behavior is allied to that of animals, a fixed
stare is a sign of aggression, particularly if the eyelids are
hooded. Your cat acts that way when contemplating a ferocious
attack on a strange feline entering her territory. Look at the
person with whom you’re conversing, of course, but it needs to
be a light, gentle glance to be flattering.
Listener
squinting
as she’s looking toward you? This indicates her brain is fully
engaged. She’s absorbing every word you say.
Roving eyes
while
looking over the shoulder of a partner. Every ballroom dancer who
attends the Thursday event at Boulder Station has observed this
sign. Sometimes they can’t help giggling. They say “she’s looking
around for a replacement for the man in her arms.” Either she
wants a better dancer, or more interesting guy, and is using her
present companion to keep her on display. Ditto when dining, or
partying. Don’t accuse. Scope the place for a fresh
partner with fine footwork before you’re dumped.
Huge pupils.
When gorgeous fashion model, Hazel, went to obtain a visa
for Egypt, the pupils of the Consul’s dark luminous eyes widened
to a huge size. She was afraid but didn’t know why. This happens
to many men when they encounter a beautiful woman in the nude,
scantily clad at the beach, or one fully clothed whom they
fantasize as being in the flesh.
Glancing up and
down a person’s body.
Displayed by lustful guys on the prowl - gals too - who are
looking for a sex object for immediate gratification. Physical
attributes are all that matter. Forget about character or
personality. If what they see doesn’t turn them on sufficiently they
won’t look again; if they desire it, they’ll look twice or thrice
then go for the kill. If that’s what you want – it’s there
for the taking. If you object you’ll unconsciously avert your gaze
and speed your step as you keep walking.
Wink. In olden days winking was initiated as a flirting gesture by a
gentleman toward a lady he wished to woo. Nowadays both men and
women are more brash and the woo-wink is outdated. It’s occasionally
directed toward a close friend to suggest they share a little joke
that no one else knows. Don’t do it too often in front of
the same group of people; they will resent being left out.
Want to kiss her?
If
you lower your gaze and let it linger near to her lips, it gently
suggests romantic interest and may arouse similar emotions in
return.
Looking down.
Usually by a female, who has been confronted with a word or
gesture from a male that she rather likes but is too demure to
admit, or too shy or inexperienced to respond to. Abruptly
turning away means the same as “Get lost buddy” in a more
genteel manner.
Eyes rolled
toward heaven.
Usually directed to you to register distaste regarding the behavior
of someone else; or exasperation with your rigidity or opposing
attitude regarding the subject under discussion.
Hands over eyes.
The
person is freaking out over whatever is in her view, or appalled at
something she hears. Unless absolutely necessary for her to
witness the offending sight, such as identifying a relative in
the morgue, take her arm and guide her away from the scene or stop
talking about the disturbing subject. Emotional hurt runs deep and
it’s unkind to inflict it without justification. Above all, don’t
laugh and continue to taunt her for your own amusement.
Eyebrows tell a
story too.
One eyebrow
raised indicates skepticism. He thinks you’re fibbing. – Usually
this relates to some adventure you’re inflating in order to
impress or belittle others. If you want to be respected for
your honesty, stick to the truth. If you’re lucky enough to lead a
charmed lifestyle that others couldn’t possibly imagine, don’t
tell all, because it’s beyond their framework of reference and you
won’t be believed.
Both eyebrows
raised.
Usually indicates the person wants to hook up with you and hopes
you’ll catch on.
Knitted eyebrows
If
someone walks about with a permanent worried expression it
indicates he is habitually anxious, and has deep problems. If
you’re a decent person, you’ll stick with a significant other
who runs into trouble he doesn’t make for himself, but a wise owl
avoids a stranger who’s already overloaded with heavy baggage –
quite likely from overwhelming financial problems or leftovers from
a previous relationship. |
