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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say
to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have
remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter
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I had a rose named after me and I was very
flattered. But I was not pleased to read the
description in the catalog: "No good in a
bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor
Roosevelt. |
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Last week, I stated this woman was the
ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since
been visited by her sister, and now wish to
withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain |
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a
good beginning and a good ending; and to
have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns. |
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people
only once a year. -- Victor Borge.
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Be careful about reading health books. You
may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain. |
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife,
you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
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I was married by a judge. I should have
asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx
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I have never hated a man enough to give his
diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor |
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass
all four essential food groups: alcohol,
caffeine, sugar and fat.-- Alex Levine |
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a
cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney
Dangerfield |
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Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does
bring you a more pleasant form of misery. --
Spike Milligan |
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was
SHUT UP. -- Joe Namath |
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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything
until noon. Then it's time for my nap. --
Bob Hope |
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I never drink water because of the
disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C.
Fields |
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We could certainly slow the aging process
down if it had to work its way through
Congress. -- Will Rogers |
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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As
you grow older, it will avoid you. --
Winston Churchill |
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..
But everything else starts to wear out, fall
out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller |
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch
his step, he's too old to go anywhere. --
Billy Crystal |
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