1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4 A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
2 7. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
30. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
31. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
32. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
33. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
34. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
35. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
36. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
37. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
38. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
39. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
40. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Are you a Logophile? If so, you'll love ONLINE SCRABBLE
A Logophile's Lament
by Liz PavekA logophile is a slave to words. Especially printed words. A logophile will read anything printed. Labels on cans, boxes, and bags. Package inserts. Instruction sheets and owner's manuals. They read upside down. They read when they should be doing anything else. They love everything that goes with reading (this means books. And more books. And bookcases to put these books into). They have stacks and stacks of brand-new books they've never cracked. They have ancient, battered grade-school textbooks and readers. They have old favorites that get read and reread, and replaced when they become worn or damaged. (Never marry a logophile if you don't share their love of reading.
Read more from Liz HERE