Dear Mona,

I am writing you because I am hoping you can help clear the fog in my head and maybe give me some direction. My mom (known on your radio program as Debbie from Oregon), has been sending me your Internet link and telling me to write to you and ask a question.
I live in a very small town in Washington. I have three young children; one of whom you told my mom was very excited to have me as his mother and had been waiting a long time to meet me. The problem is I am burnt out with everything. I feel like I am in robot mode, going through the motions of each day. I am very depressed and do not know what I am supposed to do with my life. I should be happy, but nothing makes me happy right now. I don't know if I should go back to school (doing what?), or start a home business.
Should I write a book? I guess I am hoping you can help me figure out what I am supposed to do and help give me hope for getting out of the hole I am in.

Thank you so much. My mom adores your program and says that everything you predicted for her has come true. Debbie from Oregon is now Debbie from Arizona.

Sincerely,
Seeking Direction


Dear SD,

The very first thing I recommend is to find yourself a therapist to help you sort out your priorities. I'm not talking about years of counseling, I'm talking about enough sessions to help you realize that you can't do it all yourself.

Your cards describe you as a "No, no, I can do it myself" person. Which means you are loath to accept help, but are great at talking about just how hard your life is. That's the bad habit you need to break…thinking that you are lacking in some way. Sometimes when we get exactly what we say that we want, there's a feeling of disappointment. You have three healthy, beautiful kids, you have love surrounding you and I know that you know there are women that would give anything to have what you have.

More than anything, I see that you need to "find your God"—a true reconnection with the spiritual obligation and life-purpose you have with your children. Stop being angry with the father of your children too—there is some anger and frustration toward him as well. When he does try to help, you don't think it's good enough, so he may have stopped trying to help you, AND you might owe him an apology.

I do encourage that you write about everything that you find unhappy about your life – complain, whine, and vent about what you don't like. Then, at the bottom of the paper, write these words: "I know in my heart that these feelings are temporary and they will pass, I celebrate that I am healthy enough and smart enough to get on the other side of this time and I am surrounded in love." Then sign your name, crumple up the paper and safely burn it.

Things get better for you by August, however your heart needs to move into gratitude instead of wallowing in some sort of resentment for feelings you can't even voice. Ask yourself this question, "Why am I so angry?" Sometimes, depression is anger turned inward and perhaps that's what you need to focus on with a therapist.

Lastly, there are several other Moms that would love to share childcare and companionship with you. You may form a little group where once a week you all visit together—kids and all. It's really important that you find a way to reconnect with people, because it's way too easy to just sit back and stew about what you think you don't have.

Thank you for writing,
Mona