Dear Mona,

My issues stem from a series of failed relationships whereupon I get excited or quietly project too much of my feelings and expectations (which I call hope) and then start giving expensive gifts which I ultimately lose along with my lover (and which I feel like I have learned my lesson—many lessons); including a $2800.00 engagement ring, which I had given a well-known Sedona psychic whom I had every reason to believe we would be married. We were living together for a short time. She was a rather headstrong Libra. She dumped me a month after giving her the ring, moved and kept the ring. This was at the end of 1995 and since then I have noticed a major shift in my relationships with women. There have been about a dozen opportunities and beginnings for meaningful relationships since 1996. None have seemed to work out since.

So my question is what is going on with me and when will I begin to have a successful, meaningful and mutually rewarding relationship? Every time I meet someone I feel compatible with or feel familiar it just seems to evaporate or they lose interest, or they marry someone else. I just turned 57 but nobody believes that because everyone tells me I look 45 (Gemini).

Grand Canyon State Guy

Dear GCSG,

Thank you for sending me the update about your last relationship. I'm using the last two paragraphs of your letter because I think it speaks best to your question.

In my opinion, Air Sign men (Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra) have the most difficult time with relationships. The reason for that is these signs are initially attracted to what they have in common with the woman (or what is reflected back), then they are attracted to how smart she is and lastly, he is attracted sexually to her. An Air Sign man "lives in his head" and women who are not initially attracted to him hold more appeal than the ones who show interest.

You are excited by the challenge of the chase. It allows you to use the analytical skills of your brain to engage her interest. You'll exhaust your cache of charms and then the woman doesn't respond in the way you expected. This is a pattern that repeats often in your life.

There are many women who would call you "a catch." Unfortunately, you are turned-off by a woman who makes it clear she IS interested in you. For you, love and pain go together, which is why you keep chasing after the ones who are not really interested.

Consider these questions: "Why do I think I don't deserve to be loved?" "Why do I find myself attracted to a woman who has made it clear she's not interested?" and "Why am I turned off by woman who make it very clear she is interested?" If these questions are difficult for you to answer, you might want to consider visiting with a therapist for a few sessions to help you untangle your angst.

I will tell you that any person who wants something too badly turns off most people. They tend to project a "desperation-vibe" that is more obvious than they think. What's amazing about you is that your business acumen is incredible and if you began to treat the dating game as though it were a business relationship or negotiation first, you will attract a mutually loving relationship—what's in it for you, as well as what's in it for them.

You deserve to have a loving relationship and once you believe that, she will become a part of your life.

Thank you for writing,
Mona