— “The End,” Lennon/McCartney 

A long time ago in a suburb far, far away, our small family began its Christmas Eve tradition.

My Italian-American father loved Christmas Eve; however, my mother, who was not Italian, preferred Christmas Day. So, they compromised with a late-night party. In our house, Christmas Eve sometimes went on so late that it ran into Christmas morning.

Early Christmas Eve, my father (who wasn’t crazy about the Italian tradition of eating fish at the holiday) would go to the Kosher-style deli and pick up the cold cuts and salads. Then, we would all have a light dinner, usually soup, and get dressed up for Christmas Eve services. After church, we then came home and had a feast. We would watch the midnight Mass from the Vatican, after which, the kids would go to bed. My mother, though, would stay up most of the night wrapping gifts.

Sometimes it was just the four of us — mom, dad, sister, and me. Other years, friends and other family members dropped by — and this was the most fun. And after I moved from the family home, we added tree decoration to the late-night festivities. 

The Tradition Evolved

Sadly, when I was twenty-three, my father died six weeks before Christmas. That year, as could be expected, the holiday was a bit subdued.  But, we still went for the cold cuts, and we still went to church. Late that night, a special family friend came over and put the tree in its holder and sorted out the lights — all things my father had done. (He also brought a large bottle of something alcoholic, which that year was incredibly welcome.) I will never forget his presence that year and his extraordinary kindness.

Over time, the guest list expanded to include a wide variety of family and friends. In fact, the party grew so large, and the preparations so elaborate, that church attendance was pushed over to Christmas Day. People would go to their family Christmas Eve parties and then come to our house after to eat, drink, talk about the fun (and sometimes the psychodrama) from their earlier party.

We all decorated the tree, and some regulars even brought their own gifts to wrap. There were years that the living room looked like Macy’s gift wrapping department — if the department store elves were permitted to eat and drink on the job. 

What Makes a Family

Although time and distance has ended this particular tradition, it made me realize that family is not merely a matter of blood relationship. It would be wonderful if we all could live near and have close day-to-day contact with our families. But jobs, lifestyle choices, and the passage of time often causes families to shrink or separate.

The evolving family Christmas Eve party made me aware that, if you are lucky, family is not limited by your birth. This new family, one you create and choose for yourself, can blend with your birth family or stand on its own. Either way, the love you share with both your family overlaps and expands with each new person brought into your world.

So invite your dear friends to your family parties; invite your sister, cousin, or mom to mingle with your friend-family. The more the merrier!