Extraordinary Cirque de Soliel's KÀ, Fit Flops, Incest Monster Gets Love Letters, The Incredible Hulk and The Happening and more…

 

Cirque du Soleil's KÀ

 

I just saw KÀ  - my virgin KÀ experience. KÀ opened at the MGM Grand in 2005. The performance I went to was sold-out.  A friend has seen it seven times, each time bringing family, guests and clients. In an entertainment orgy like Las Vegas, with Cirque du Soleil dominating the Strip, this is an extraordinary validation that KÀ is something special indeed. KÀ is an architectural triumph. It astonishes. The theater, which seats 1,950, is a cathedral of massive spires. The Cirque du Soleil experience continues to not only amaze and thrill, but surpass anything CGI can produce on film. And then it puts humans in its fantasy worlds. There are seven moving platforms. Remember the black obelisk in "2001"? KÀ makes it look puny. (Pictured: a moving platform under construction at the  theater.) As with all Cirque shows, KÀ takes place in a tribal spirit world. KÀ is the story of The Imperial Twins, a young man and woman, and their peaceful kingdom. But their festivities are interrupted by a warring tribe of Archers and Spearmen. Their Nursemaid rescues the Twin Sister and they escape by boat. A storm capsizes their vessel. The spectacular free fall into the ocean is 90 feet! The visual aspect of this scene is my favorite and, in my opinion, will not be surpassed in Cirque's future shows. There are astonishing performers who use The Climb - a steep cliff - to escape the Archers. And then there is the Wheel of Death! (Pictured) KÀ features 80 artists and was created and directed by Robert Lepage. Cirque's creative team is guided by the genius of visual master, founder Guy Laliberte.  Show tare Tuesday through Saturday, 7:00 pm and 9:30 pm. KÀ tickets are $69, $99, $125, and $150 (Prices Exclude Live Entertainment Tax). KÀ cost $135 million to build and each seat has its own speaker. You will be dazzled.

 

FitFlops

 

There is an international feeding frenzy for FitFlops. I brought a pair. Women are buying them in different colors due to the magical results - a tightening of the leg muscles and buttocks. It didn't take me long to figure them out. I know exactly where and from whence the concept comes.

 

Long ago in a far off land in India, the sannisyans were wearing a simple wooden flip flop at the ashram. It was a similar to our flip flops except made of wood and it only had a small piece of wood that you gripped between your big and second toe. We were told these sandals reduced the sexual impulses and that was good for sannisyans.

 

According to the yogis, the sexual impulse runs from between the first and second toe directly to the sex organs. To walk in these wooden "flip flops" you had to tighten up the big toe and second toe to grip the small wooden bar. That was the design of the yogi "flip flop".

 

An over-enthusiastic musician from Australia went over-board and wore the sandals 24 hours a day. Within a few weeks he was essentially crippled. At least he was walking with a severe limp all the time I was at the ashram with him.

 

The FitFlop is essentially designed the same way! You might not want to have sex anymore, but think of how you will look in a bikini at the island resort! 

 

I could not find any google information about the wooden ashram flip flops I saw in Bihar, but came across a photo of a shrine of relics for Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Here are his sacred wooden sandals. They look familiar.

 

Incest Monster Gets Love Letters!

 

In another one of my favorite rants, filed under "We are not evolving as a species," Austria's incest dungeon monster-pervert Josef Fritzl has received, as of June 4, 5,000 letters. 200 letters were from women offering him love and affection. In general, the women wrote telling depraved beast Fritzl that he is misunderstood and "good at heart". They accepted his claims that he kept his daughter Elisabeth in a cellar for 24 years to prevent her from straying and to keep her safe from drugs and booze. They also believe Fritzl, who fathered seven children with his imprisoned daughter Elisabeth, wanted to teach her about the "joys of motherhood". Fritzl, 73, who is being kept in Austria's Sankt Poelten prison (in case you want to write to him), has also been sent a mountain of hate mail.

 

Keeping with the Serial Killer Ignorant Wife myth, Fritzl's wife Rosemarie never noticed that the 3 infants he told her were dumped on their doorstep looked just like him and their other children. Her daughter was a sex-slave in her basement and she never had a clue. I say, let her pass a polygraph and then I'll believe it.

 

Movies Opening This Week

 

The Incredible Hulk

 

 

 

Director Louis Leterrier and the writers (IMDB.com credits list Zak Penn and Edward Norton (writing under the name Edward Harrison) and Stan Lee and Jack Kirby (taking credit for the Marvel comic book) acknowledge the Hulk's provenance, as we quickly flash through the back-story, leaving dreary exposition to high school screenwriting classes.

 

 

I know for a fact that Stan Lee's Marvel contract demands he is in every Marvel movie made in perpetuity, even if he's dead. Re-issued vintage Marvel comic books must feature his likeness. 

 

The Hulk is no do-gooder. Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) hasn't gotten that far yet. He's grappling with a voluntarily administered gamma radiation dose that activates his R-complex brain stem. It has unleashed a jumbo-jet charged, testosterone-fueled id. The gamma radiation transforms him into a behemoth of a monster when he gets mad. But he is a monster with feelings.

 

The evil military-industrial complex, under the tutelage of General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross (William Hurt), works with Banner and his colleague Dr. Elizabeth "Betty" Ross (Liv Tyler) to make a superior fighting soldier. Banner, in a rush to emulate The Fly's Seth Brundle, offers himself as Patient Zero. They didn't bother tinkering with monkeys.

 

Banner soon realizes he's the perfect military creation and escapes to the slums of Rio de Janeiro. He has been working at a bottling factory and living in monk-like squalor. Tony Stark would suffer a brain aneurysm if he had to give up his jet to hide out in a favela.

 

A random drop of Bannon's blood falls into a soft drink bottle, gets shipped off to the U.S., and kills Stan Lee! Now, Ross knows exactly where Banner is. It is an unlucky setback for Banner, since he has been working with a mysterious contact via the internet helping him find an antidote. To capture Banner, Ross calls in a tiny soldier with impeccable Nazi credentials, Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth).

 

After his initial encounter with The Hulk, Blonsky is jealous. He wants a mega-dose. Of course, General Ross is no fool! If these guys want to be guinea pigs, it's a good idea. Blonsky happily becomes The Abomination. It's a big step-up from tiny, old soldier.

 

The casting of Norton is perfect, but why did he choose to be so frail? Even after expending all that energy as The Hulk, he doesn't need to eat! Tyler, let's face it, she's a big girl, and nearly suffocates Norton when they embrace. They are in the sexual chemistry free-zone. Norton is a very strong actor. If he doesn't generate any heat with Tyler, it's intentional. Along with the Marvel hierarchy Norton got into the creative ring with, he probably wasn't so fond of Tyler either. 

 

Adding to the lousy casting of Tyler, Roth is also miscast. And who is impersonating William Hurt? The actor sounded like Hurt, but didn't look a thing like him. Face- changing is the new 40! Tim Blake Nelson, as the professor secretly helping Bannon, must have been self-directed. I know he's a capable director himself, but when you are paid to act, take direction and hit your mark.

 

There is a mood that Leterrier has created that elevates the source material. There comes the time when they have to deliver the CGI and they do. The Hulk and The Abomination destroy a city. The Hulk looks pretty damn good and the final fight will make diehard fans and new fans satisfied.

 

But the denouement, I'm confused. Bannon is a good guy, General Ross is a bad guy. Why is Tony Stark cozying up to the enemy? Does he really need another military contract to pay for his hobby upgrade?

 

The Happening

 

 

Nothing happens. Shyamalan has finally taken an ax to his Golden Goose. The studio embargoed all reviews so the twist would not be revealed. The TV ads boast "M. Night Shyamalan's first R rated movie!"

 

Let us re-work Gertrude Stein: There is no twist there.

 

Everything is wrong about The Happening. M. Night Shyamalan must be living in an America where people, faced with a deadly virus, meekly gather and look like robots. At least zombies are after human flesh.

 

Let me remind everyone that The Sixth Sense came out in 1999!

 

The Happening starts in New York's Central Park. People are being frozen. Some people commit suicide in imaginative ways. I know this about New Yorkers. If there was a strange virus outbreak, there would quickly be a queue forming outside Hell.

 

No one would be walking around the U.S. No one would believe it's an isolated area-specific outbreak. China's 1.3 billion people freaked out and donned face masks after 4 people died of SARS.

 

Shyamalan leaves the chaos of New York City under viral siege to focus his story on a quiet town in Philadelphia where science teacher, Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg), his dopey wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel), and a co-worker, math teacher Julian (John Leguizamo) with his eight year old comatose daughter Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez) take off for a weekend in the country. 

 

Shyamalan knows about keeping a movie's budget down.

 

The airborne virus is spreading. An airborne virus? Can you imagine The East Coast in such a situation? The bus Elliot and friends are on abruptly stops and dumps everybody at a diner. Elliot grabs a ride with a strange old hippy and his passive wife, but Julian decides to catch a ride to virus-plagued Princeton, New Jersey to find his wife, leaving Jess in the care of bug-eyed Alma. What happened to Zooey's eyes? She's missing her pupils.

 

Since something must happen, and how long can people walk in high grass, Mark, Alma and Jess find an isolated farm house and a crazy old lady, Mrs. Jones (Betty Buckley - didn't she used to be a big Broadway musical star and TV star?). Now, The Happening turns into a movie where the house creaks and the old lady has a hatchet!

 

And then The Strangers turn up!

 

In hindsight, Shyamalan should have stopped making movies after The Sixth Sense. He would have been the J.D. Salinger of films. Or, he could have, or should, go into creating reality shows. M., there's money in TV and your audience doesn't feel ripped off.

 

Shyamalan has disappointed us again. But that's no twist.    Sage Advice. "A lot of people like to fool you and say that you're not smart if you never went to college, but common sense rules over everything. That's what I learned from selling crack." - Snoop Dogg in Esquire.