HELLO ALL. I apologize for my absence. As it happens from time to time, my own life events slowed my foray into the singles world. Do not despair, my sweet baboos, I return with a punch—(Brace yourself; I'm in a parenthetical quotation marky sort of mood)…

For the first time, excluding Sadie Hawkins and Girls Reverse, I asked a guy out.

Now some of you may smirk, having asked plenty of people out on dates, but there are those of us for whom this is a monumental undertaking. This is not a simple "but I'm shy" statement, heavens no. This has to do with scads of articles and research claiming that men are hunters and therefore need to pursue the woman. A woman who asks a man out is too forward, too brazen, too, dare I say it, DESPERATE. (Do we even use the word "brazen" any more, or did I just go circa 1940? Regardless, I'm bringing it back. Please use "brazen" often in casual conversation—for example, "Oh no she didn't just brazenly approach my man?!")

I was raised in a fairly traditional household. My father had strong words for girls who called boys…my mother had a word for girls who didn't get asked to dances, it was called intimidating…I was very intimidating, but again, I digress.

Growing up knowing that "good girls" simply don't call boys was tough to overcome. To ask one out?! Just grab your scarlet letter you brazen hussy!! (That's right, brazen and hussy, it's history the singles way.) My father convinced me that if I made myself "available" to a guy, he'd get bored and go after a girl he had to work for…(Wow, my dad's kinda harsh.)

It was a dear friend of mine, a male, who gave me the 20 minute "Carpe Diem" speech of encouragement. When he noticed that it wasn't working he then supported my friend "Malorie" in saying, "You write a column about dating for crying out loud!! Ask!"

Having had my own advice thrown at me, I had no other recourse—out of respect for my askee, I won't go into identity details. Suffice it to say, my dog's "family jewels" were involved in our meeting and since the dog was losing his, I developed an appreciation and temporarily grew a set of my own. I made the call.

The phone is a lovely device. Not being able to see me squirm in agony, he accepted my invitation. I should be honest here and say that I was not so brave as to say, "Hi, (handsome person), I'm calling because I would really like to get to know you away from the smell of cat urine. Would you like to go out this weekend?" No, I'm not that suave. I lulled him into a false sense of security by telling him a group of us were going out and would he like to join us. I know, lame. I even had to fess up later that it was just going to be us and another couple because I didn't want him to feel ambushed.

That is an important point folks. Not the fact that there are much better ways to ask a person out, but that the bait and switch is a bad move. It's right up there with using a 10-year-old photo for internet dating (…or websites) Sure, I was a small coward, and invited him out in a group, but when it became only 2 couples, I owned it. You can't let someone think "a group of us are going out" and then slam them with the double date. It's just wrong.

I have to say, I couldn't have picked a better person to ask. He made the whole process fairly painless. Sure he called me Miss Domenica, and I was fairly certain I knew at least the first letter of his first name, but aren't some amazing relationships based on much less? Aren't they? One?

Here's the thing. As awkward as it was for me to ask, I was far more surprised by my dating behavior. Talk about "those who can't do, teach"! I guess in being asked out there is a feeling that the other person really wants you there, and I for one am, apparently, far more relaxed.

Having been the asker, I found that I was nervous, slightly nauseas and a wee bit more inappropriate with my humor. By wee, I mean WEE. Not overly crass, but more like a dying comic who keeps telling jokes hoping one will hit…(dear God, please tell me I wasn't crass.) I felt like I was on some Twilight Zone version of The Gong Show. I suppose what was missing was my edge. You know what I mean right? When you are the askee, you have a little edge. He asked because he's interested. In this case I was interested, he could just be, curious. So was it curious like, I wonder what she looks like in a red mini skirt, or curious like, what the Hell is growing in the mayonnaise?

Not long after we began talking did my inner critic start in. It was the craziest thing. Little-Miss-Be-Yourself blah, blah, blah became the edgeless wonder. Thank goodness he was obviously raised well and maintained his personality and charm…not to mention a slightly confused look which I somehow decided was sexy. My poor friends were giving me the subtle hand to the throat cut gesture, but like a liquored teen, my ability not to speak was lost.

I have a new-found respect for those, of either sex, who can ask a person out and then get out of their own way. I also have a new respect for my father who apparently was trying to be polite in saying "girls shouldn't ask boys out" rather than saying "Pietra shouldn't ask boys out."

If nothing else, I'll be sure to go easy on a first date (That's GO easy people, not BE easy). I had no idea what stress was involved. I may also be a little more open to 2nd dates, where people can actually relax.

As for my date, my animals are sadly healthy, but I may slip the neighbor's Chihuahua a little anti-freeze and volunteer to drive. I mean, if that weren't stalker-ish.

Feel free to share your dating debacles at AskPietra@earthlink.net. I share mine.

Until next time, Happy Hunting,

Pietra