PEOPLE!! WHAT IS happening?! I've devoted 30–40 minutes of my life each month (give or take) to reach out to my fellow singles, create a shared vernacular to better the world and what thanks do I get? I'll tell you what I get—I get a letter on poor communication, that's what I get!!

Are we not sharing my universal language suggestions? As my readers, I expect you to be Go Getters! World Changers! Good Looking…(hey call me)!

But this, this is the letter I receive:

Dear Pietra,

My boyfriend of 2 years confessed to cheating on me. He swears it's the first time, but I have serious doubts. When I told him we should split he became angry because he did the right thing and told me. Is it wrong that I'm still mad after he tried to communicate with me?

Signed,

Lost Vegan

Apparently I have failed you. Apparently I, myself have not communicated. Please allow me to rectify my error.

To this saddened young lady I say this—admitting he cheated is not communication. Saying you can't be angry because he told you is also not communication. That, my dear, is manipulation. Communication comes in BEFORE the cheating. Communication is the conversation he has with you when he is aware that something is missing. Communication is the dialog when the two of you decide to work on the relationship or end it. That would be communication.

This will sound trite or cliché, but people, communication is the key. If your significant other comes home and says, "I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore" communication will not take that hurt away—BUT—it will allow you to respect that person down the road and one day recognize the respect they had for you.

Proper communication is the greatest skill you will ever cultivate…next to the whole Tantric thing…okay, communication is the most useful skill you will ever cultivate. Good communication will allow for the impossible.

For example, "Hey sorry I haven't called for a month, my schedule has been insane." Honest, but bad. "Hey, I wanted you to know that we most likely won't talk until next month, these next few weeks are insane." Same deal, but properly communicated.

Are you with me here? Often times the real communication is what you're not saying. The first one says, "You weren't important enough to me to get a heads up, but nothing better came along, so I'm trying to fix it." The second one says, "Look, I'm busy, but you're too good to mess up. Hopefully when I have more time, you'll want to see me again."

Basically, someone dropped off the face of the earth for a while, but by communicating, is allowed to pick up where they left off—it's like a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. (Suddenly the men are reading more carefully.)

Yes, honesty always counts, but the positioning is important. Whenever possible, honesty should come prior to the angst causing event. Making it a point to communicate respectfully, even bad news, shows the listener that they matter. You have shown that you care, and that makes an amazing difference.

So to Lost I say, yes, your anger is valid. My gut reaction is to head for the door. The truth of the matter, however, is this—this is your relationship and your future. Is it possible to come back from this? Yes, but the amount of work is tremendous and those possessing the personality traits capable of that rebuild are few and far between.

This is, unfortunately, one of those questions you have to answer for yourself. I would suggest, however, being alone to answer it. Not to say you should remove yourself from friends, family or counselors, but take a break from him. He has lost the right to take your journey. You will walk back if, and when, you're ready.

Thank you for sharing.

Feel free to share your stories at askpietra@earthlink.net…otherwise I have to go out.

Happy Hunting,

Pietra