Madame Speaker,

Let me help you make this the most ethical Congress ever – as you have promised.  The solutions are: Sarbanes Oxley, Chris Matthews, the military, and the Punch Clock Agreement.

Madame Speaker, go ahead and put all the restrictions you can on lobbyists.  That’s fine.  But the only people you’re hurting are the restaurants and golf courses.  Let me really help you get to the real problem.

The first solution is Sarbanes-Oxley.  Take those tight restrictions on corporations and apply them to Congress. The Sarbanes-Oxley Act regulates corporate financial records and provides penalties for their abuse and the falsification of data.  The earmarks your colleagues secretly stick into a budget bill certainly fit the definition of falsification of data. 

So, think about this.  Earmarks mean jail time.  Yes, some of your colleagues will think that is too severe.  Just tell them that the people’s tax dollars are no less important than the savings of Enron investors.  Enron was a risk; our tax dollars shouldn’t be.  Plus calling for jail time gets the crime and punishment Republicans on board.

Another problem Sarbanes-Oxley on Congress will clear up is the 527s.  These PACs for politicians are no different than back-dating options by unethical corporate executives.  Hey, if CEOs are stepping down for doing the same thing Congress does, why not force your fellow lawmakers to either change their ways or go into the fundraising business?  To be honest, that’s what they’re good at.  Frankly, passing laws to help our country is something they are not cut out for.

The next solution is Chris Matthews, the fast-talking political reporter and commentator on MSNBC.  No, don’t force them to sit and answer the questions Matthews yells at them.  Instead, have them use Matthews as an example.

Did you know that Chris Matthews’ brother ran for Lieutenant Governor?  I didn’t.  Do you know what state his brother ran in?  I didn’t know that either.  And why don’t we know those facts?  Chris Matthews never spoke about them.  It would have been a conflict of interest as a broadcaster and a journalist.

As a broadcaster, I had to sign an agreement, stipulated in the Federal Communications Act of 1934, where I agreed to not take any money to help someone’s cause or company without disclosing it.  By disclosing the financial payment, I would be somewhat safe with the FCC since they only care if I am hiding something from the public – or making secret gains on the public’s airwaves. 

Madame Speaker, I know what you’re going to say.  All members of Congress already disclose where their campaign money comes from.  True.  But let’s go back to my contract with the TV station.  If I disclosed the financial payment or not, I would have been fired immediately.  I would have lost my credibility as an honest broker of news.  I know you understand that a newsperson’s credibility is not as needed as an elected official’s credibility that holds the sacred trust of the people.  Judges are held to the same code of ethics that journalists are.  A sitting judge will excuse himself from a trial if he can’t be impartial or if someone of interest to the judge is involved in the case.  Why can’t our lawmakers be held to the same level?  In truth, you should be held to a higher level.  You are the ones making the rules and too many times you make the rules to favor yourselves.

Now you change that. Here’s what you do, Mrs. Pelosi.  No member of Congress can vote on any bill that involves any business that gave that lawmaker campaign donations.  It would be a conflict of interest. 

Yes, you, Madame, couldn’t vote on any issues involving the oil and gas and chemical industries since you received more than 17-thousand dollars from Occidental Petroleum.  You also couldn’t vote on any legislation involving unions.  But don’t worry, in the Senate Joe Lieberman couldn’t vote on any drug industry bills since his wife works for a major pharmaceutical company.  And my two Senators in Nevada – Harry Reid and John Ensign -- would have to excuse themselves when gambling legislation is voted on.

Think about it. This is a great solution to all those lawmakers who use the excuse to ignore stricter campaign finance rules that the Supreme Court has ruled that giving money to a campaign is a First Amendment Right.  And you will help prove right those lawmakers, that most of us think are liars, who say they are tired of raising money.

Just think what could get done.  All those chemical companies wouldn’t be stopping Homeland Security regulations that protect their plants from terrorists.  Christie Todd Whitman, in her book It’s My Party Too, wrote about that frustration she had as Mister Bush’s EPA Administrator.

And speaking of the President, don’t you think it would be easier to find renewable sources of energy without the connivance of the oil lobby.

And don’t you wonder if the oil companies didn’t have their hands on the throats of so many lawmakers that maybe we might not find ourselves in Iraq?  Or maybe we wouldn’t be meddling in the lands of Islam turning so many angry young, uneducated men into terrorists?

Such a measure would also weed out some of the horrible choices you made for chairmanships.  Have you seen the money those folks receive from special interests?

Yes, I know your colleagues will not be thinking about all this.  Instead, many of them will scream about not being able to run their campaigns adequately.  Try this, Mrs. P.  Remind them that their most important job is to pass laws and serve the people, not run for re-election.  You can also tell them to just give the money back.  I am sure you can find 17-thousand dollars to give back to Occidental Petroleum and be done with them.

Oh by the way, Chris Matthews’ brother lost that election; the election his brother, the journalist, never mentioned on the air.

My next solution, Madame Speaker, is the military.  No, don’t bring the military in to police Congress.  Use the military as an example.  After all, what do our fighting men and women do?  They serve the people of the United States.  That’s what our elected officials are supposed to do.  Our military folks also sign up for years of service.  That’s very similar to a term in office for a Congressmen or Senator.  Many of our servicemen and women study hard and learn new skills while being posted to a base.  But that’s where the analogy stops.  The Republican Congress barely worked a lick.  In fact, they were either flying on junkets or trying to get home to family more than they worked. 

This is something that really puzzles most of us outside Washington.  Why do we need Lee Hamilton, no longer an elected official, to come in and form commissions to do the work the Congress is supposed to be doing?  Lee Hamilton, God bless him, seems to do more work than most elected officials.  That’s because Lee Hamilton does not have to take all that time to run for re-election.  So, let’s make our lawmakers like the military.  How?

You should propose the construction of a new military-style base in Washington, D.C. where members of Congress will get be stationed with low-cost room and board.  Sure, we’ll give them a commissary, too.  But they have to be present and accounted for each and every day they serve in Congress.  If they’re AWOL, they’re dishonorably discharged.

I know you will hear your colleagues say something about their families.  Well, let’s build the Congressional military base so their families can stay there too.  The lawmakers talk so much about being with their kids.  We’ll bring their kids there.  It will be a total family commitment – just like our servicemen do on military bases in the U.S. and around the world.  Now how could any member of Congress think that he or she is any better than our fighting men and women?  Shouldn’t they honor these brave people by acting like them?

I realize some members may be a little leery of the military.  Use the college example, instead.  Tell them they are going back to college and living on a campus.  It will bring back collegiality.  In fact, you could decorate your office with milk cartons to help the analogy.  But seriously, why can’t our elected officials be spending time studying issues and knowing them without interference from special interests. 

Cloister those elected officials and make them work and learn.  I would propose you name the new campus/military compound the Proxmire Compound, named after the late Wisconsin Senator William Proxmire, whose ethics were impeccable and who never allowed any special interest to meet him in private, only at open committee meetings, and he only spent about $7,000 on his campaigns.  The brig could be named the Delay/Abramoff Prison.

Madame Speaker, let me tell you a story that has me very discouraged.  I was on a cross-country flight.  Sitting next to me was a member of Congress whose name will be kept secret here.  I asked this member of Congress various questions about foreign relations issues.  His answers – or lack of answers -- led me to a horrible conclusion.  This lawmaker didn’t have a clue.  I knew more than he did.  That scares me.

Madame Speaker, I implore you to use your motherly instincts. Treat these lawmakers like your kids.  Stand over them and make them do their homework – before they vote.

The last solution is the Punch Clock Agreement.  It’s the idea of the Sunlight Network, a Congressional watchdog.  (http://www.sunlightnetwork.com/punchclock)   And all they ask is that every member of Congress post their day planners online, so we can see who is visiting them or trying to persuade them.

If you do all these things, Madame Speaker, then maybe America will no longer be rated the 20^th least corrupted nation in the world.  That figure comes from the Transparency International Corruption Perceptions Index of 2006.  We’re in 20^th place!  That’s embarrassing for a nation that prides itself in fairness.  What’s worse?  We have fallen.  Last year, we were 17^th. 

So you can turn the tide and make us respected again not only here but around the world.  Oh and by the way, doing all this will also help our economy, too.  We’ll be watching.  We really don’t want to throw you guys out in two years, too.

Sincerely Yours,

One of your 300 million bosses.