My earlier column, titled “The Rapid Road To Romance,” related to speed dating. Since then, the adventurous have already “been there done that.” Of those, many are in a relationship that, by this date, they consider long-lasting; a goodly number formed liaisons that were hot for a time then cooled; some drew a blank, and a few married.

I’ve also written a handbook giving full details of the process and outlining proven techniques for achieving success. Obviously, not everyone has rushed to buy that work – darn it! - for I’m constantly besieged by singles asking how to get into the speed-dating loop, what to do after arrival, what to say, and other subjects covered in that work. Nevertheless, if you’d like a smattering of info about this high paced dating system right now, download my November 2005 column and read it in combination with this updated sequel and you’ll be on your way.

Speed Dating compared to Internet Dating

I’m most frequently asked “Is speed dating better than internet dating?” In my opinion the former is preferable to the latter because it’s infinitely more revealing at the outset and lessens the chances of wasting time e-mailing someone you think you like and upon meeting realize you don’t care for at all. In contrast, 3-8 minutes is too long once you’ve taken a disliking to your table partner or, if you regret the parting at the end of the encounter, you’re either not sure, or definitely wish to see that person again. You merely write “No” or “Yes” on your Match Sheet and, by next morning, you’ll be informed if the other person feels the same way.

Hearing what hasn’t been said

 “Almost three quarters of a first impression is gained from body language, and most of this non-verbal communication is given off in just one minute of interaction,” according to Drs. Glenn and Sharon Livingston, clinical psychologists. They have each spent their professional life studying “the mysterious, unspoken power of communication,” and describe it well in their books on the subject. By receiving personal input via a computer with no voice intonation or tell-tale movements, gestures and facial expressions, to reflect thoughts, feelings, character traits and, possibly, reaction to you, you are literally making a high bid on an incomplete pack of cards.

Speed dating has advantages over bar pickups too. It introduces you to 8 up to, perhaps, 25 opposite sex persons for 3-8 minute face-to-face chats in places that are populated with non-participants – bartenders, waitpersons, meal and bar customers, as well as the hosts that, relying on the “safety in numbers” adage, make the meeting venue as safe as any place is these days. The names of the people present are in a database that holds credit info so they are not unknowns from nowhere in particular. Indeed, even on occasions when no love connection has been made, friendships can be forged with similar aged men and women in your own neighborhood with whom you can hang out or party with at some future time. In Las Vegas, events are often held in trendy places and always run by hosts who have been selected by the large national company that oversees them. Last year I checked HurryDate.com and Cupid/Pre-Dating.com and found them on the up-and up. I managed to obtain discount codes for your use when registering: Hurrydate offered 15% off first party provided you enter code “letter15,” and from cupid/predating.com you should receive $5 off if you enter code “AMIV.”

Seeking rewarding answers

So much for non-linguistic communication that, by the way, is formally called kinesics. If the verbal side is disturbing and the very idea of swooping on a stranger, or being swooped upon to say anything of value within minutes sends chills down your spine, rest assured there’s plenty that can be conveyed with brevity. In a 1½ minute segment Katie Couric not only tells a story but sways your emotions with details of terrorism in a faraway land or the plight of a wee puppy trapped in a deep well. Commercials hit you in 15, 30, 60 seconds. In fact, using 120 wpm that Sir Isaac Pitman, the creator of shorthand, decided was” a civilized speech speed,” 3 minutes produces approximately 360 words to be volleyed back and forth. 5 mins. = 600, 6 mins. = 720, 8 mins. = 960. Assuming you participate equally you’ll have half of that count as your very own.

Since it’s essential to obtain each speed dater’s first name by glancing at his/her name tag so you can enter it on your Match Card, it automatically provides you with an opening. From that point it’s natural to inquire if s/he lives or works nearby, and where s/he lived before Las Vegas. Either you or the other person will probably follow with something relevant but, if you get stuck in the question phase don’t go overboard. Never ask one intrusive question, followed by another and another and another in rapid succession. Most people do not mind giving a few personal details but resent being interrogated or bullied into supplying answers they may not wish to provide at that moment.

If the conversation isn’t flowing it’s most productive to seek answers that reveal taste, practices, and pursuits that may please or revile you. For instance, by mentioning the computer you won’t need to ask the number of hours devoted to it, you’ll find out from the degree of enthusiasm. Ditto golf, and other time-consuming activities that would take time away from a companion. The same goes for TV, pick a program for its content and you’ll learn a person’s inclination for rowdiness, violence, world or local news, politics, vulgarity, opera, etc. that you may regard as offensive or enjoyable. Some selections might be: Jerry Springer. Dancing With The Stars, 60 Minutes. Monday Night Football. Cops. Shows with children, Shows with animals.

What participants have said

Be aware that young speed daters are often intent on hunting, dating, nabbing a guy or gal because their gears are in quick quick quickie everything. Some of the saucy ice breakers you may need retorts for, are: “Lights: on or off ?” “Treasure: chest or booty?” “Bubbly: beer or champagne?” “Better to: give or receive?” “My place or yours?” Apparently these zingers are effective because their creators hitch up with someone they meet on their first go-around and are either never seen again or slink back into circulation after the glow wears off.

The mature are more circumspect. They seem cautious of temporary fixes, and steer clear of entanglement with anyone or any situation that is less than exactly what they wish. “Perfect” and “right person” are descriptions they use. They often concentrate on meeting a number of new friends, mixing with them in places around town where they can truly get to know each other, and eventually find someone who turns out to be Ms or Mr Perfect.

They may view speed dating the same as an activity of a social club and attend on a regular basis. As a result of this experience and repetition, their introductory messages are concise, clear, and provide essential info in a minimum of heartbeats. When I asked guys to give me a sample wish list they were undeniably the fastest spokespersons I have ever run across. Newcomers can certainly learn from the type of content used and sparcity of words.

Lincoln conveyed his desires without taking a breath: “I want to be a father. Wouldn’t mind a mother with child if she had the right personality. I love to sing. I abhor dishonesty, weaving tales, telling lies.” Then he laughed, “You never know when love’s going to hit you on the head.”

Steve spoke with a steady beat. “Done the bar scene. Age 41. Have been divorced 15 years. Daughter 16. I want to settle down and prefer to marry if I find the right person.”

Peter used 87 words but was a positive speed-demon. “I really like this modern type of dating. It guarantees immediate exposure. You can’t beat this.” He waved his arm around to encompass the room. “If there’s an attractive woman sitting there, I can see her, tackle her. I like hiking, camping, working out in the weight room, but none of those places are good for meeting women. It’s hard to meet the right type let alone the right one. I’m self-employed, married to my own business, don’t have a lot of free time, and certainly don’t want to date people I work with. It would make things too complicated.“

Sean started in, and kept going, without pausing. “Speed dating is a great way to meet single women face-to-face. Don’t like a smoker, excess drinker, no gambling, no kids. I’m very cautious. Been 17 years in the same job. I meet people at work and when I travel, but sometimes it takes hours or days to meet one woman and then she’s not compatible.”

Amy and Arthur from Vermont had obviously become masters of the fast and concise, even when writing. They e-mailed their speed dating headquarters as follows: “Please take both our names off your e-mailing list. We are married to each other!”

Note: Incidents are true.

Names have either been printed by written permission or changed.

© 2006 Heather Latimer.

Heather Latimer is author of 14 books including How To Be A Whizzz At Dating Dozens As A Prelude To One Lasting Relationship.