As I have continued to study the singles scene in Las Vegas, two phrases have repeatedly found their way into my research: "Casual Sex" and "Hooking-Up."
Though these phrases are used interchangeably, I feel they have a slightly different meaning and etiquette. As is my way, I shall attempt to educate my reader and, hopefully, help you to circumnavigate some messiness in the future. These are, of course, merely my own opinions, but should the world adopt my philosophies and become a brighter and better place, who are we to stop it? I find it is better for others to simply accept my views, use them often in casual conversations, and therefore bring a long needed uniformity to communication.

Let's begin with "Hooking-Up." Of the two, the hook-up is the less complicated and more easily handled. It's closest relative would be the "one night stand" in the emotional sphere. The hook-up is generally a sexual encounter neither party has any intention of repeating. Assuming both parties are consensual and handle themselves with a modicum of decency, the hook-up can leave little or no lasting effects (I feel certain I do not have to go into detail about proper protection and the nasty lasting effects which could arise…should you feel unsure of my meaning, please contact me—we need to talk).

I've often heard someone say, "Oh that's (insert name), we hooked-up about a month ago" and then go about their business as if (insert name) was and is no more a thought than a restaurant they recently visited. People will occasionally hook-up with someone at an office party, and while it's terrific fodder for office gossip, it really means little to the parties involved. Except that perhaps she wishes she hadn't been wearing her favorite bra and it would have been nice if he had returned it…or something like that. The bottom line: the hook-up generally comes out of a need in the moment and once satisfied, doesn't need to reoccur.

The Casual thing can be a little tricky. You really need to gauge your audience to pull this one off. In any situation the clingy psychopath is a bad call. But to attempt a casual relationship with the aforementioned psycho? Bad news: hide your bunny—he'll be boiling by noon.

The trick to the casual sex thing is all in the messaging (that's messaging as in communication, not massaging as in slap it up, flip it, rub it down, but thank you for playing). A successful casual relationship requires a little understanding early on. Both parties need to know that "I think you're hot when I'm in town, and maybe when you're in my town, but other than that, let's not talk or let's talk normally, but you still aren't 'the one' so let's not go picking out curtains."

See the casual thing has some different levels…

There's the "booty call" level where you rarely speak except for the occasion drunk dial and then sex-it-up for a couple of hours when the call and mood arises.

There's the "re-do" where you phone an ex for casual, "I know we don't belong together, but what the heck you aren't increasing my numbers" sex.

And there's the potentially sticky "friends with benefits" level where you're sleeping occasionally with someone whose company you more or less enjoy, but for any number of reasons won't be actually dating.

It is this third phase where the trouble usually occurs. Properly maintaining this level often requires a little something I refer to as, illusion. Illusion is key, especially if one or both of the people involved do not normally partake from the casual cookie jar. Basically, it is the illusion which allows "people who would never" to participate in a mutually enjoyable sexual cookie without feeling like a slut, or her equally icky counterpart, the man-whore.

Illusion works simply. Both parties understand the nature of their "relationship" but while together, allow each other to feel as if they matter. Basically, we are both aware that you fly out tomorrow, and I could pretty much be anyone, but for the time we are together, there is no one else. See? Tricky, illusion, smoke and mirrors—you must become a sexual magician.

Oddly enough, it is most likely the behavior outside the bedroom which can make or break this magic spell. It is poor form to "rock someone's world" and then act as if they couldn't matter less in the morning (see "booty-call"). It's that fine line of treating someone with care and respect while feeling secure in the fact that they aren't wondering the best time to introduce you to their parents. Casual though it may be, everyone should feel good about seeing each other again AND looking at themselves in the mirror. It is this skill alone which separates the Copperfields-of-the-bedroom from the lame party clowns.

I feel certain many cities across our great nation have singles hooking-up or doing the casual thing just like us—HOWEVER—given the "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" mentality coupled with the fact that people from other cities often find themselves traveling here several times a year, Las Vegas may be the "hit it and hightail it" capital of the world. Our mother(s) must be so proud.

Whatever you're into, be safe and check in with yourself. If at anytime you are uncomfortable or feel bad about yourself, end it. Plenty of people aren't comfortable with the casual stuff and if your real wish is to be in a committed relationship, this is not the way to go.

We are all wired differently so it's important you know your boundaries, comfort level and ultimate relationship goal. If you're just passing the time with someone, that someone is most likely occupying the space "the one" should be in. MAKE ROOM.

As always, I'm here to use my mistakes for your benefit. And I'm not above using yours for mine. Just write askpietra@earthink.net.

Happy Hunting,

Pietra