WHEN YOU'RE STANDING it's comparatively easy to shuffle around and into the proximity of someone you fancy with whom you might gain eye contact, or start, butt in, or respond to conversation. With seating arrangements it's more difficult.

Fortunately you can gain clues from pros who have been ahead of the curve for centuries. In fact, they're so adept at roping in strangers their actions seem natural—and are effective in most instances. Among them are realtors anxious to sell houses, executives eager to make contacts for big deals, social parasites who covet the assets of rich widows and moneyed men and, yes, columnists in their eternal search for both reputable authorities and low-life gossips to supply them with newsworthy info.

Here are a few savvy tips that can be applied as suggested, or in similar circumstances.

AT BARS
Say a bar has ten stools and you're the first to arrive. Perch on stool 2, or stool 9. There'll be a vacant stool beside you where a solo will probably plop down. That's unless a bunch of standees gather at the end of the bar and lean across to order drinks. Even that can be rewarding as long as they're lively and fun. If you're too late to grab one of those spots, and don't see anyone you'd like to push in next to, leave one or three vacancies between you and other imbibers, if possible.

Occasionally you're in a pair and want to meet others in a similar relationship? Choose stools 3 & 4, 5 & 6, 7 & 8 at an empty bar. If they've arrived ahead of you, of course you can sit next to them, or leave two vacancies between your duo and theirs. According to a Nebraskan who styles himself Barfly Joe, although he's by no means the lush he pretends to be, "merry bartenders can be powerful allies in getting customers together. While serving drinks, they joke, or comment on topics that arouse feedback and," he gave knowing nods, "before long every last one of them is rapping and having a wow of a time."

AT MEETINGS
At a seminar or meeting—even a religious service—should you have more desire to see who is in attendance than be near the speaker, situate yourself in a back row where you can scope out the entire scene. You'll be able to observe those who arrive and depart singly, in pairs, or as part of a group.

Where the turnout is sparse and people are dotted about, sitting next to a lone person is a definite no-no. That person may resent being targeted and take pains to ignore you, or even move away. Provided a few others are nearby, one seat away is okay and, although it usually makes no sense to pile your stuff on the spare beside you, here's an instance where it doesn't hurt. You may end up sharing the dumping ground.

AT TABLES
Should you join a table with one or more persons already seated, be sure to address them immediately otherwise the ice may never be broken. Don't utter something flirtatious or coy—just a pleasant "Good Morning" is sufficient. Or better yet, "May I join you?" or "Are these seats taken?" because a question requires a reply that can quickly lead to further discourse.

If you park yourself at a large empty table that's fine. However, the results can be disastrous if you don't watch out. Firstly, for better or worse, joiners choose you rather than you choosing them. Secondly, attendees will approach you, particularly women, asking you to hold their place, and keep an eye on their purse while they take off. To avoid literally being 'left holding the bag' don't hesitate to respond "I won't be here every moment so, I'm sorry, I can't be responsible for your stuff." Chances are that individual has picked your table as a safety net while s/he hunts around for a better spot and will return to collect whatever has been left behind and explain s/he's moving elsewhere. Warning! Your best friends are more likely to pull this stunt than anyone else.

Above all, do not allow anyone to remove chairs just because you have no companions—yet. Some people ask. Silent steppers grab a chair from your table and move it to theirs before you notice. One person from a large group will attempt it, then another, and another, until you're stranded with no chance of anyone joining you. These strangers obviously don't care a jot about you, so be firm. Say "you're welcome to sit here because my friends are late and may not come, but for that reason I cannot allow you to remove the chairs." Believe me! They're unlikely to accept this arrangement because they'll dislike the idea of being ousted later on.

For pre-arranged mixed parties the Latimer Seating Plan works well. I introduced this at the Princeton University Club in New York where single members teamed up to attend special luncheons or dinnertime events. Prior to that, several guys would sit shoulder to shoulder, and gals bunch up, at tables for ten. The Plan is simple. Start by purchasing a packet of Avery T-5460 colored circular self-adhesive labels. At alternate place settings, stick a pink label on the tablecloth to indicate it is for a woman and, between each, apply a pale blue label for a man. Diners can move later, provided they honor the color coding. Those were the days, a little over a decade ago, when gentlemen outnumbered ladies at that particular club. Nowadays, when almost everywhere, the situation is reversed, the Plan can still help if you put two members of the fair sex side by side, so one of them has an opposite-sex neighbor to her right, and the other to her left.

On a cruise, choose a table for eight or ten. Since you're solo there's a good chance another solo will complete the table. Leave a vacancy between yourself and someone already there, so the newcomer will be obliged to sit next to you. There are also singles' tables available, although when you and a friend are traveling together, even sharing a room, requesting different dining tables doubles the number of contacts.

At a dance, a single women needs to mark her place by leaving behind a valueless object plus her drink (if any). This is to prevent an opportunist from preempting her place while she's cha-cha-ing around the floor. If she joins friends, and still needs partners, it's wise to sit beside another woman because the close presence of a man causes prospects to imagine she's already taken. In addition, popular percussionist/drummer Jimmy 'B' Bower, who played with the Big Band of Dick Weston & The Westoneers in Chicago and remains a frequent entertainer in Vegas, contributed this vital message. "Always inspect a seat before sitting down," he laughed. "Believe me! An anchovy or daub of crème fraîche dropped from a canapé can have you spending more hours in the restroom trying to wash it off than mingling with your old and new-found friends."  

© 2006 Heather Latimer