WELL KIDS, I'VE been out swimming in the dating pool and have hopefully come up with a few pearls of wisdom…not to mention an old tire and a dead seagull.

It seems to me if you are a single with no visible caveat, i.e. your need to bring your mom on your dates or your obvious anger management issues, people will inevitably dismiss your single status with one biting comment, "You're too picky." Never mind that they are unable to name the gem you let slip away, that is insignificant. The fact that you have not found your mate must mean you are simply far "too picky"…Now I don't know about you, but somewhere is The Island of the Walking Wounded and I am their Queen!!

You see, I have dated some lovely men…"fixer uppers" for sure, but nice men, none the less. However, were I to line them up, side by side, vertebrates and invertebrates alike, several judgments could be made, but kids, "picky" ain't one of them. I shudder to think what the final opinion would be, but I'm guessing it would involve therapy and some sort of soft-coated wall. The point is, "too picky," in my opinion (one which I value greatly), is rarely the reason.

Why do those who have coupled feel free to pass this ugly judgment on those of us who have not? If we set standards for ourselves, are we "too picky"? When do those standards become the thing we need to adjust and why? Are singles to respond with the equally ugly, "Just because you have settled, why should I?" See the downward spiral? Violence will inevitably ensue.

I would say that the fear of being alone is second only to the fear of choosing poorly. We all have, unfortunately, watched as a friend struggles through a divorce or bitter break up. Had they chosen better in the first place, couldn't that have been avoided?

I realize that it is not so simple, but doesn't everyone choose the devil they can live with? This is not an indictment of marriage, simply a fact of life—no one will have every quality you want. We all come with our own set of accessories, the question is, can those accessories accent your life properly? Can those which do not accent properly be overlooked or stuffed in a drawer somewhere? (You know the drawer, it has those untouched miscellaneous pieces from something you purchased years ago, but they may be important so you never throw them out.)

What I'm getting at is (thank you for being patient) isn't it better to have standards, be "picky," and watch very carefully the qualities we allow in our lives? I'm not talking about shallow stuff like she has to be built like Rebecca Romin or he has to drive a $60,000 car. I mean the real stuff: she has to have a sense of humor, he has to be a good communicator. It's those things, the qualities that matter when you're 85 sitting on the porch together. Those are the standards we need to cling to and never settle.

Take a moment (and a Prozac, if needed) and look at your past relationships. Did you ever waste a year of your life hoping someone would change or ignoring that they hadn't? Did you ever pursue a dead-end relationship because it was better than being alone?

Before you buy into the hype and believe you are "too picky," stop and reflect. Maybe the problem is that you haven't been picky enough.

Thank you for sharing your sagas…it makes me feel so much better about mine. Please continue at askpietra@earthlink.net.

Until next time—Happy Hunting,

Pietra